As long as you know men are like children, you know everything!
A ray of light is more visible in the dark; a shadow is better seen against the light. Similarly the masculine is visible when juxtaposed against the feminine. If you wish to test your manliness, check your attitude to the three manifestations of the feminine: uncertainty, nature, and the woman.
When men want to be men, they start by trying not to be women. It is a shame, since lack of masculinity is not explained by too much femininity but by immaturity. Juvenile, childish acts should be the center of attention in the battlefield for an aspiring true man.
Manhood is not endowed by testicles but by maturity; the rest is simply false manhood.
Our ancestors could turn boys into men in three steps. The first one was living among women, when a boy is growing under his mother’s skirt and is sucking the tit. The second step is without women, when a crying boy is taken away from his mother and placed in men’s company. He receives the skills of a hunter, a lover, and a father—all of which prepare him for the third step: back to women. There, a mature man already, he creates a family.
This is a simplified explanation, of course, but the point is clear: a man can become a man in the presence of feminine. Woman is the mirror, motivation and the ultimate measurement of his masculinity.
Arkan Lushwala, shaman and ceremonial leader, says in his new book, The Time of the Black Jaguar: An Offering of Indigenous Wisdom for the Continuity of Life on Earth, that the loss of access to the wisdom of elders has led to the disruption of men’s maturity in modern age. Men grow overconfident before even being initiated into manhood, so they are left to build the world through the eyes of a boy.
With the lack of manhood initiation, women are forced to deal with men’s childish outlook of the world, given an unacceptable amount of consideration and respect. As children, boys view women as a source of consumption, a life source to feed from just as they feed from breasts as infants.
A boy taking from his mother is all right, it is the natural process of growing, however, it becomes a problem if the boy does not grow out of that mindset. What if the boy is over 30 years old and he still only takes? The grabbing and consuming becomes destructive.
Arkan says that the un-grown man can feel threatened by the feminine force and therefore attempts to conquer it throughout his life. Some men become abusive and try to “put down” females, others continue to “consume” like spoiled children, becoming manipulative and hungry for attention.
Men suppress their fear of uncertainty by exhibiting total control and over-planning. The abuse and attempts to tame Mother Nature are evident on a global scale.
The culture of men constantly looking to feed off of feminine promotes its own role models, with images of false masculinity dominating the mass media.
Meanwhile, women are waiting for the “right man”, ones comfortable enough with themselves to reciprocate the same kind of love and attention they are shown. Some women complain of the absence of real masculinity, and others deal with it by growing more masculine themselves, suppressing their feminine side. The world is getting less balanced. “The loss of the deepest feminine presence in the modern world runs at the same rate as the loss of trees in the forest,” Lushwala says.
What is true masculinity then?
Professor David D. Gilmour, in his book Manhood in the Making, says that the threshold for manhood “represents the point at which the boy produces more than he consumes.”
We don’t have elders or rituals. The elders are replaced with Rambo-style heroes, and initiation is replaced with army, sports and business, which serve the story of false masculinity. Where is the way out? Who can help us find true masculinity?
The first step is returning to the feminine side of yourself, accepting the woman inside, embracing the best feminine traits, such as softness, wisdom, intuition. By accepting the feminine inside, we would then learn to appreciate the feminine outside, which will naturally lead to manifestations of true masculinity: a desire to protect, provide, nurture. Not because of our duty but simply through our essence.
Masculinity, as other human qualities, is not permanent. You can express it, grow it or lose it. How do you know if you are being a true man now? Look into your woman’s eyes.
Women are ready to get their men back, but only the men who are mature and giving. Only then can they return to their femininity.
Lushwala says: “As men who want to be real, we need to be trustworthy like the sun who never fails to appear in the morning. Then the women who are next to us may relax in their own waters and enjoy the complete flowering of their abundant feminine being.”